Pure Woman of God

As you read this story, prepare your hearts. It’s not an easy story to share so publicly.

Silenced. Ashamed. Disgusted. Broken. A teenage girl who didn’t intend for something to go as far as it did. Nor did she ever want it to.

Ever since I was a young child, I knew what sex was. So it really isn’t a surprise I got caught up in something I never really wanted to get caught up in. I was 15 when I lost my virginity and it wasn’t supposed to happen like that.

I had been crushing on this guy ever since I was in about 2nd grade. And it just so happens that he had started to pursue me once I entered high school. I started to like the attention. He was two years older than me and played on the varsity boys basketball team, which made me feel like if I said no to the things he asked of me, I would be looked at and talked about. I guess you could say I had a people pleasing personality.. which really hurt me in the long run.

I had never gotten that sort of attention before, and it really hyped me up and made me feel desirable. I remember him getting involved in things that I tried my hardest to keep him from. I didn’t want him hurting his life in any way. So I tried my hardest to fix him. And ladies, you CANNOT fix anyone.

At the beginning of our relationship, it started out really simple. Meeting below the stairs to make out. That’s all I would allow. Then eventually, I was convinced to go to his truck. Harmless, right? Wrong. This is where that door of lust fully opened.

Though he asked and tried to convince me, I kindly always said no and that I didn’t want to go all the way with him.

Well one day.. which by the way, my mother had no idea about, I had secretly invited him to my house. What a stupid choice on my part. I just didn’t want this guy to reject me. So I told him to come over.

I still had the intentions to never go all the way with him. Truthfully, that wasn’t even something I wanted. I just liked being desired and didn’t want that to go away.

I remember him asking me if we could just do it. At this point in time, the garment that covered my legs from my waist to my ankles were off. But I kept my lady garments on because I truly did not want to give myself to him.

He asked me, ” Come on, it won’t hurt anything. Just say yes, just say yes.” He kept saying that over and over again. But I continued to kindly say no.

Moments later I remember how easy it was for him to do the thing I said no of.

That day will always be marked in my head.

Turned away from him, with my hands tucked under the right side of my face in a prayer position, I remember thinking, “What in the world just happened….”

As I laid there for at least one minute, I remember telling him that I didn’t want that to happen.

“You were being a tease!”

I remember feeling like he was going to leave me and I was going to be all alone. I started thinking about what he told me. And I accepted that it was my fault because I guess I was being a tease.

So I got up, got dressed and went to school.

I remember walking in there like everyone just knew what had happened to me. Like they could just see the disgust and shame I felt as if it was shouting it to the ruff tops. “Hey look everyone, Madi just lost her virginity. How embarrassing!”

Words cannot express how lifeless I felt walking in that school. It was like I lost a part of myself that I could never get back.

That voice was so loud but just tried to keep pushing forward because there is no way anyone knew what had just happened. So I kept it hidden and unspoken.

From that day forward I never told a soul in school what had happened to me. Not even my parents. I was truly ashamed and broken from that experience that I continued being with him until the Lord finally separated us for good.

And it is by God’s love for me, that he did just that.

I look back on that day and ask myself where the Lord was in that moment. I couldn’t understand why that could have happened to me and why he allowed it.

But telling you this story today, I am able to recognize and see the goodness of God in that season of life. I will share this in another blog post called The Benefits of Sports In a Life of A Broken Teen.

This story has become a memory.

But now it is a testimony. A testimony of a girl who lost her purity at a young age but is now being restored into a Pure Woman of God.

That day changed my life, but God knew who I was destined to be before it ever happened. For the Bible says

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom He foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son..”

That day did not stop me from writing this blog and it did not stop me from praising the Lord. And I forgive.

There is so much more to this story and so much to share for Gods Glory!

I’m excited to share with you how good our God really is.

Head to The Benefits of Sports In a Life of A Broken Teen for more of the story!